Absence makes the heart grow fonder
by PolkaDotMilly
Summary: Neribedtime. Carrie, despite all warning, wants to be the girl on Alex Day's arm. But when things don't go according to plan, can she ever admit how she feels?
1. Chapter 1

**Absence makes the heart grow fonder.**

The title was taken from Good Morning Sunshine by Alex Day. Some parts may be OOC, apologies. Also, I wrote this listening to Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men. Irrelevant fact there, but it might be worth listening to, to enhance the reading experience. Loosely based on Pop Rocks and Jokes.

AND IM ONLY 13 so don't hate on my lack of love knowledge please ^-^

Also, I do not wish for this to happen! I want them to be all happy and stuff regardless of who they are with. I just fancied writing in a different style to my usual fluff. I'll add some in later on though ;)

Chapter one.

Carrie sank down onto the kitchen floor of her new flat. Tears and Mascara poured down her face. He hadn't been lying, Alex wasn't dating anyone. She had been lying on the other hand, she wasn't dating either. She couldn't date anyone but him. As far as Carrie Hope Fletcher was concerned, her heart belonged to Alex Day. Yet all he did was pick it up like a cat does a mouse, play with it for a short while and then drop it, leaving it damaged. He, like the cat, would watch it almost break, but never quite satisfied would repeat over and over, almost pleased with himself. The product now was the emotional wreck sobbing on the kitchen floor.

Carrie was in love with the only man she shouldn't be. He was the man that time and time again her friends had warned her against chasing. Alex was married to his music, to his work and his career. Love was complicated and not something he regarded as important, which left Carrie constantly heartbroken.

As swirls of black mascara and salty, bitter tears hit the floor, she felt hopeless. She imagined his voice, his presence near her. So charming, so funny, she loved him with every cell in her body. She wanted him to be hers. But deep inside she knew he never would be, and that was what pained her most.

Staggering up, she walked over to the breakfast bar and reached for some tissues. Inwardly, she told herself to get a grip, but as she began to dry her tears, a wave of self-pity and despair hit her as she fought them back. She started to sob once more.

A faint click of the door registered that someone had entered the flat. Carrie thought nothing of it and continued to cry. Whoever it was obviously didn't care otherwise they would have shouted sooner. It was only when she felt the strangers hands round her waist and the warm air round her neck that she realised who it was.

'Why're you crying, darlin'?'

It was Alex


	2. Chapter 2

***DISCLAIMER HERE OK. Again, I haven't had much lovey-dovey experience, but I know it involved a touch of heartache so I'm playing with this for a while. I'm 13 and I can't write overly well. Yeah. Enjoy, I suppose.***

Carrie slowly came to terms with her predicament. The man who she loved and the man who she least wanted to see right now happened to be the same person, who also happened to be in her flat. She wondered how he'd got in, then realised he had a key. Why did he have a key? He was just a friend, maybe a best friend. Did best friends share house keys? How would she know? Carrie didn't have friends. Carrie pondered all this frantically and overcome by the power of the last statement, failed to hold back a fresh wave of tears. It had only just dawned on her. She didn't have any friends. She also didn't have a boyfriend. She was _denied_ a boyfriend.

As the freshly prepared tears of water streamed from her eyes, they had only one destination, Alex's shoulder. Turning in his arms, she nestled her head between his neck and his shoulder. Her curly blonde hair cascaded down his shirt as she sobbed. He may not be her boyfriend, he may not love her, but he was here now, and that was all that mattered. He stroked her back and let out a few quiet shushing tones before pulling away. He held her by her shoulders and looked straight into her dark brown eyes. She instantly looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze. He softly wiped a tear from her cheek and she let out a slight smile. He was doing it again, playing with her emotions, letting him get the better of her. It pained her not to be able to tell him how she felt, yet it seemed to be submission if she did, letting him win this battle of wills. So she continued to stare at the floor until he spoke the magic words.

'Shall I put the kettle on?'

She hated how he always knew what she wanted. _Nearly_ always knew.


	3. Chapter 3

***Disclaimer goes here. This is FICTION. This is not based on real life, nor do I want it to happen. In reality, I just want them both to be happy. – Love the 13 year old who writes this because she will be forever alone***

Alex handed Carrie a mug of tea and she gave him a small smile in return as she set it on the table. She was grateful, even if only slightly. Alex turning up had forced her to pull herself together. If he hadn't arrived, she would have spent much more time crying and probably entered the vicious circle of winding herself up.

As Alex made himself comfortable at the other end of the sofa, she suddenly felt uncomfortable. 'Why is he here? He probably came to mess with my head some more. Maybe he came to break my heart again.' Thoughts raced through Carrie's head as she subconsciously moved further away from him. He was the one who spoke first, breaking the silence and Carrie's worry-induced trance.  
"You never answered my question darlin'" Alex spoke softly, voice laden with concern.  
'Hm?' Carrie replied in a vacant tone, her mind elsewhere.  
"Why were you crying?"  
"Oh, no reason. Just feeling a bit down that's all…" Carrie was lying through her teeth, but she still couldn't bring herself tell him how she felt.  
"Are you sure? You seemed pretty upset before." He set his mug on the table and clasped her hands between his. This instantly made Carrie feel calmer, if only just for a second, before she psyched herself up once more.

_He's messing with my head again_, she told herself, _trying to make out that he cares._

"No I'm fine, honestly. What about you though, why are you here?" she asked.  
"Oh yeah- I have some news!" Alex sounded so happy that it was almost impossible to smile, but somehow she managed it. She raised her eyebrows slightly, expectantly. That was when he dropped the bombshell.

'I've got a girlfriend.'


	4. Chapter 4

***Disclaimer goes here. This is FICTION. This is not based on real life, nor do I want it to happen. In reality, I just want them both to be happy. – Love the 13 year old who writes this because she will be forever alone***

***P.s. This chapter may not appeal to everyone. Without giving too much away, it contains a serious issue which I'm all too familiar with. If a similar thing has occurred to you, I urge you to seek help, because it will help in the long ***

Carrie's heart almost stopped. Her stomach churned and she felt like being sick. Reality hit her like a bullet to the brain. Alex, the man she loved, was dating another woman. Her Alex. All in a fraction of a second, she felt like her world had caved in. Everything seemed to slow down- she felt like blacking out, yet she managed to stay awake.

She had to react quickly before he got suspicious.  
"Wow! That's great!" she lied, her tone a mix of sarcasm and enthusiasm, which sounded obviously fake to her ears.

"I know right!" Alex beamed. Just the way he smiled made Carrie want to cry. She wanted to wake up next to that face. The thought of somebody else experiencing that made her feel sick with envy.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a text tone. Alex opened his newly bought phone and read the message whilst draining the last of his tea. He smiled as he put his cup down and put his shoes on.  
"Speak of the devil, I best get going." Alex stood up and put his phone into his pocket. "She'll be wondering where I am."

"Who?" Carrie asked.

Mentally, she slapped herself. Captian Obvious to the rescue again.

"Lilly. The girlfriend." Alex said in a slightly more condescending tone than Carrie would have expected.  
"Ciao!" he shouted, shutting the door behind him. Carrie stared at the wall, trying to comprehend what had just happened. The man she loved, her only friend, was dating another woman. The man who she desired more than life itself was in a relationship with a girl she had never met. Thoughts raced through her head. "I bet she's prettier and skinnier than me. I'm fat and ugly. I'll never compare to her. She'll be confident and outgoing, she'll make him laugh and she'll be twice what I'll ever be."

Walking over to the kitchen draw, she pulled out a small box, one she hadn't seen for a long time. Shutting the draw, she sank once more onto the floor. She untied the bow around it and opened it slowly. There were two objects inside, one a polaroid of herself and Alex, with the date 28/1/12 written on it in blue sharpie. She stared at it for a while, then focused on the other thing- a small, sharp metal object. Without stopping to think, she picked it up and began to roll it round between her fingers. It slowly made way to her wrists…


	5. Chapter 5

***Disclaimer goes here. This is FICTION. This is not based on real life, nor do I want it to happen. In reality, I just want them both to be happy. – Love the 13 year old who writes this because she will be forever alone***

***P.s. This chapter may not appeal to everyone. Without giving too much away, it contains a serious issue which I'm all too familiar with. If a similar thing has occurred to you, I urge you to seek help, because it will help in the long ***

***P.p.s This is the final chapter, for now...***

Half an hour later, the blood had mixed with her tears. She heard the faint click of the door as it opened and the subsequent noise of it closing as someone entered. She heard the unmistakeable footsteps of Alex in the corridor.

"Carrie? It's Alex. I think I must have left my wallet in the…oh my god."

Alex stopped to stare for a brief moment before rushing towards Carrie, who was slumped on the floor. Her eyes were as red from crying as her wrists were from blood. He took her wrists in his hands and observed horrified the cuts had appeared like bracelets across her wrists, stretching right up to her elbows. They weren't very deep, but there were many of them. He stared in disbelief. Carrie was one of the strongest people he knew, always smiling, always laughing and never letting anything get to her. Why would she do such a thing? He mentally kicked himself for not prying further earlier on that evening; he should have seen that something was wrong.

"Carrie?" Alex whispered. She briefly looked up, before shutting her eyes once more, letting a solitary run down her cheek. Alex brushed it away with his thumb. He lightly ran his finger over her left wrist, Carrie flinched slightly in pain. As he held his fingers up to the flickering light being emitted from the bulb overhead, crimson liquid trickled down his palm. It was fresh.

_She must have started when I went, _ he thought to himself.

"Why?" his voice was grave with concern. Alex looked directly into her eyes. Carrie looked back and said the words she wanted to say for so long.

'Alex…I…love you."


	6. Chapter 6

***Sorry I've been away so long, I've had essay after essay and a true lack of motivation. I hope you like this chapter, the plot will improve soon!**

**Love it? Hate it? Tell me in the reviews!***

Carries heart slowly but surely broke. She had told Alex the truth, she had told her biggest secret; the one that she knew would make or break their relationship, and consequently her life. She'd made the biggest mistake of her life.

The smell of staling blood lingered in the kitchen. Carrie contemplated cutting some more, but there was nowhere left, her blank canvas gone. She looked at the bracelet cuts on her left wrist and the scarcely legible 'Alex' scrawled on her right. She sighed, but no tears fell. She wondered if she had any left to cry.

She prized herself off the floor and shaking, she staggered to her bedroom. Sitting down on the clean white sheets, she scrabbled for a pen and paper. In neat scrawl she began to write.

_'By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I want you to forget about me. I obviously meant nothing to you. You left me with nothing but a false sense of security and false hope. You never cared, you only lied. I want you to remember that you did this to me. I love you Alex Day, I hope you're proud xx'_

She placed the lid back into her fountain pen and grabbed some sticky tape. She stuck the note to the breakfast bar and began to stuff the few £20 notes she had into her pockets along with her phone. She picked her warmest jacket and a small umbrella from the back of her door, and pocketing the spare key, she took one last looks at the blood stained, sadness ridden apartment.

Then Carrie Hope Fletcher ran away.


	7. Chapter 7

*This will be the last update for a while, as I'm doing Nanowrimo. Sorry it's so cheesy at the end, it had to be done ;)

Like it? Loathe it? Let me know!*

Alex knocked on the door of the flat, his face concealed by a huge bouquet of roses and his hands occupied by a box of chocolates. He had mentally prepared a speech, declaring his supposedly unrequited love for her and how he was so happy she felt the same. But after 5 minutes of waiting and still no answer, he was starting to get a little worried.

Pushing the door slightly, he realised it was unlocked. Panic spread throughout him as he rushed inside. Had she passed out? Was she hurt? Slamming the door behind him, he searched every corner of the house, the coppery smell of stale blood lingering in his nostrils.

He leant against the breakfast bar, where Carrie had done hours earlier. As he slid his head into his hands, he heard something scrunch. Paper. He turned and read the note.

His first instinct was to ring her, find out she was okay, to tell her it was a big misunderstanding and that they could spend the evening wrapped in each others arms watching Tangled till the wee hours, or tell stories of when they first met, reminiscing over days past. All this would be possible if he had her number.

Which he didn't.

How could he be so stupid, no wonder she hated him. But Alex didn't care, he just wanted her safe, safe and in his arms.

His phone began to vibrate in his pocket. Lilly. He answered the call to receive a stream of verbal abuse, how he was a jerk for dumping her via text and using her. But what hurt most of all was her last words.

I hope you and your fat, freak of a girlfriend rot in hell. Because at this rate, she's going to get there a whole lot quicker than you, aren't you sweetheart?'

The terrified, painful scream of Carrie Hope Fletcher echoed down the phone line. Lilly had Carrie, Carrie was hurt. That was the final straw.

Alex grabbed his phone and ran. Out of the door, down the countless flights of stairs and put onto the streets below.

Into the cool, evening air, he whispered.

I'm on my way, Darlin'


	8. Chapter 8

Hey Everyone!

I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart that I haven't updated in, well, a year. My life has been a total roller coaster and updating my fics has really been the least of my worries...

However.

I really like this story, however my writing has improved a lot since I wrote it. So, as a gift to y'all saying 'sorry', my plan is to re-write this story, making it better, longer, and hopefully more enjoyable.

And, I'm going to try and update more frequently.

It'll be under the same name, but hopefully will be so much better!

Once again, I'm so sorry!

Milly xx


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